


Atleast be honest.

by Cersei505



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Feels, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29702778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cersei505/pseuds/Cersei505
Summary: Eren confronts Historia about his plan to destroy the rest of the world, and asks her to remain quiet about it. But how can she keep quiet about something like that, only because it benefits her?  Isn't she a kind, ladylike and selfless girl?
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Eren Yeager
Kudos: 43





	Atleast be honest.

\- ...You can, because...you’re the girl who saved me that day. The worst girl in the world. – Eren muttered those words with pained eyes.

_I... couldn’t say anything._

The sun was now starting to set.

_No...there’s nothing to be said._

\- There’s no need for you to be a sacrifice if i do the rumbling. I will end this cursed history once and for all. All you need to do...is keep quiet and protect yourself from the MP’s until then. I have made arrangements with Floch, you can flee and hide from the government until i have settled things.

_That is not it, Eren...!_

\- I...can’t run away! I told you already, there’s no need for any of this. I’m the queen of this island, and i should act as one. No matter how...unfair you may think it is, sometimes the sacrifice of one person can save many. You’re already an adult, Eren. You should realize by now that complete freedom...is impossible. Sooner or later, everyone is obliged to accept their own fate.

One look in his eyes and she could tell how angry he was by hearing her of all people say that. _Just...stop. Don’t...make me hate myself even more, please._

\- Accept...my fate, huh? – he stared at the sunset, as if completely lost. - Isn’t that what i have always been doing? Even now... – he closed his fists. – Ever since i kissed your hand that day, i saw it... – His eyes were completely blank and possessed now. - ...the future. And nothing has been different from what i saw since then.

\- What are you talking about...?

\- In the ceremony 4 years ago, when i touched you i received memories of the future that where inside my father’s memories. There, i saw it...the rumbling...and that scenery. That is why...one person being cursed is enough, Historia. I won’t let you give in aswell!

_Why... go so far?_

\- ...You’re too late on that one, Eren...

\- Huh?

\- The moment i became queen, i had already given up. When i think about it now, i feel so stupid for thinking i was making my own choices back then. In the end, there was never any choice, i just chose to serve a different máster, because that’s who i am. Ymir saw right through me and my weak, pitiful self. The one that submits easily to others. But still... i’m fine if it helps them. – she looked at the orphans playing in the distance, the ones she helped raise and feed. – That is why i can’t-

\- You’ve got it all wrong! – he said, so firmly she couldn’t help but stop herself. – I know you didn’t become queen out of submission! You...you showed me a path. In the chapel... That it was fine for me to not be ‘humanity’s hope’. And, ever since you saved me that day, this was the path i have chosen to walk. I could’ve just ran away and give up on it entirely at that time, but that wouldn’t have been fair to myself. Just like you went with the government’s interest and accepted being queen to help these kids that are now here. This is a life of pride you’re living...Historia.

\- A life of pride...huh...And yet you expect me to sit quietly while you murder innocent kids?

\- Either that or you live your life as nothing more than a breeding cow. – he said furiously. – I will change your memories later if you want me to, but don’t sacrifice yourself for nothing!

_Ymir... is that what you had in mind when you said we should live for ourselves? If so...i understand why you couldn’t live up to that now._

\- ...No. I will live with my decisions. – She said, resolute.

\- What?

\- I... will follow you. And i...made this decision knowing full well what it means... So living in blissful ignorance after that would be unnaceptable.

\- ... So will you do as i said?

Historia looked at the scarlet sky. The darkness was beggining to set in.

\- No. I’m just looking out for my wellbeing. – she looked once more to the kids. - I know very well i will hate myself for following you, but i will hate myself even more if i’m not honest to me.

\- ...Huh?

\- You’re despicable, Eren. – she said, while looking at one of the kids reading a book, ignored by the others. – And so am i. – she turned her gaze at him. - If it means not having rocks, or worse, thrown at those kids, then i’ll follow you...And...more than that, i can’t bring myself to be selfless enough to ignore your selfishness. 

\- ...?

\- Even if you saw it in the future, this...is what you wanted, isn’t it? This is still **your** choice. You chose yourself over everyone else, and that is what led you to this conclusion. And...for 4 years now, you’ve also kept choosing me... – The memory of the day Ymir left her flashed through her mind. That pain was still all too real in her chest. - ...maybe i knew since the start...that this is what, i too, wished for.

Eren looked at her with awe more than anything. 4 years, and he still couldn’t help but feel surprised at how strong Historia was. _It makes me feel a bit envy, to be honest..._ he thought.

\- Once again...the weak one was me. – he looked with a blank and long stare at the kids. – I shouldn’t be playing the victim, this is ultimately what i chose. – he looked back at the time he protected Mikasa by killing those kidnappers. – Maybe that’s all i’m good at... Destruction.

Historia lost herself a bit in his eyes. She wanted to get mad and scream at him and his self-pity, but one look and she could tell he meant it with every word of his being.

\- Well, Eren...- she looked straight at him, for the first time in a long time with no shame to the weakness that could be found deep in her eyes. And he looked right back at her, with distant eyes. - ...What would you think.... about me having a child? 

It was easy to tell his confusion after hearing that.

\- ...I already told you, there’s no need for you to sacrifice yourself!

\- No, Eren. I don’t pretend to bear a tool for the sake of the island. I want to bear a new life.

_..._

\- ...Well...then that is your choice...i guess. – he put his hands inside his pocket and averted his gaze slightly from hers. - If that is what you truly want, go for it. Though i didn’t...know you already had found someone.

\- Idiot. It’s you. – she put it bluntly.

\- ...What!? – He looked shocked for a moment, but in a matter of seconds was back to his distant self. – ...Why me?

\- At this point, do you even have to ask, Eren?

Silence was all that made noise for a while.

\- ...I’m not someone who should be a father. I don’t know what you are thinking, Historia, but i don’t see the point in this.

\- You know...you’ve been quite difficult to reach for a long time now. Today especially. I’m quite certain now that you may just disappear all of a sudden, and it...makes me scared.

When he heard that, Eren felt like his heart was being suffocated. Because she was right.

\- How does it make sense in your head for people like us, like _me_ , to have children?

\- I don’t know, but i don’t care. We will do it, or else i’m not going with your plan! – she couldn’t back down from this.

\- How are you able to still think ahead to a life with me after all i’m gonna do?

\- Then how are you able to think of living after what you’re going to do? – she had heard enough. – I knew it, Eren. But i won’t let you get the right of an easy escape in death after commiting so many sins.

\- That is not-

\- Then promise me you’ll come back. Stay with me. If you want to throw everything away for my sake, atleast take full responsabilities for your actions until the very end!

_Historia... don’t curse me any further, please._

\- ...Why? – he asked, his defenses all but broken. There was indeed a part of him that still wished to live, and to leave it’s mark on this world. All the better if not only through destruction. _It’s so wrong, a curse even, and yet...!_

\- I don’t know. Maybe...we are born this way. – Eren couldn’t find any reply to that. - And if i am to follow your plan, then...it means i’m on your debt. You’re willing to bear everything yourself, and i can’t have that! – she moved closer to him, and reached her hand to his face. - ...you’re so tall now, i almost can’t reach you... – she gently caressed his cheeks. – Eren. – she said firmly – I’ll be your ally... You said all you could do was destroy, but... – she grabbed his hand and moved it to her face.

_Has she always been this warm...?_

\- ...i’m only alive right now, thanks to you. I’ve managed to complete the empty Historia Reiss...thanks to you. And so...the least i can do... is this. – she kissed him, a quick and cold, yet warm kiss.

\- ...Historia... – for the first, she could feel he was at the brink of breaking. – I...

\- Just...promise me. Promise you’ll come back safely. And then we will face our sins with honesty.

His dark silhouette, illuminated by what was left of the sunset, standed there, and for a moment she felt like he might disappear entirely into the night.

_Don’t. My mother, Frieda...Ymir...they all have left me behind._

He crouched down a bit.

\- ...I promise. – he said, softly. He grabbed her hand and looked at her eyes.

It wasn’t the usual blank, possessed or distant look. It felt more like he was crying without tears.

He held her hand as if the only thing left for him to hold on to. _Even if this was all predestined... **i wanted this**._

\- Historia... Thank you.

-


End file.
